Time Limit

It seems that I am nearing the time where it is becoming socially unacceptable to keep struggling so much with the fact that I've left a whole life behind in Italy and am now living in Orlando Florida. Before I go on, let me clarify that there are many many people that have been and will continue to be amazingly supportive, safe, loving, understanding....true gifts from God. We COULD NOT have made it without so many people that God put in our lives from the very beginning here, the Alexanders, Streets, Brockmans, Petersons, people I work with, those of you who have written, called, commented, Marty who as I write is hauling food accross the ocean from Italy to give to us, Nancy who is sending me money for a special bottle of wine... I could go on and on and so I have to say I feel so incredibly blessed.

But outside certain circles I will have to begin to be careful what and how I share. Not that I care what people think but they just don't get it and I don't have that much emotional energy right now. In the beginning of course everyone understood and I shared freely. However, I had a conversation yesterday that went something like this. "How are you doing?" "Well", I said "it is going to take awhile" Really? (Questioning tone). Yeah, they say maybe two years. Really? (Incredulous tone) Now I could be making everything up, but I am starting to sense that some people who haven't walked this particular path are ready for me to move on. This is familiar ground. Grieving for some (in Christian circles especially) is given a time limit. When that time limit is over it is time to move on and put on your praise bracelet.

Don't get me wrong, some days I can really be a pain to be around because of all the transition so I understand that some might choose to avoid me and I respect that. Ok I've always been a bit of a pain but seriously, right now, I need to put a shirt on that says don't mind me, I'm critical, grouchy and negative because I'm going through withdrawals and I don't like the taste of life here. Or maybe it should say, Stay away from the bear, she bites. Anyway, I do wish the process was faster. Why does it take so stinking long?

Allergic to America

So I have broken out in hives. The more I itch the redder they become and the less I sleep. This has never happened before in my life and so I start asking around and consulting the vast amount of online medical journals. I have to say I'm quite good at coming up with the right diagnosis for whatever ailment my family and others are suffering from. As a mother living overseas you have to become good at this for various reasons.  My cabinets sport quite an array of homeopathic as well as other medicines.

In Italy I would determine the course of action and then trot down to the local pharmacy where the pharmacist would give me whatever I requested. He knew me and trusted me and so why bother the doctor? Here, however, I was pretty sure that wouldn't happen, so after I made my diagnosis I made an appointment with a local doctor so that I could get a prescription for what I needed.

I walk into her office and decide that I'll tell her right away what the problem is to save her time. "I've broken out in hives because I'm allergic to America" I say. "I probably need to take steroids for a week" She didn't believe me at first, but after going through all the options and doing a few tests she finally agreed with me and I walk out with my prescription. The problem is that the steroids ease the syptoms but don't really solve the problem.

I wish there was anti-rejection medicine for America that I could take similar to what they give patients who have had heart transplants. Maybe I need a heart transplant too because I'm pretty sure my heart is broken.